


Pinpricked

by Hator



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi Goro Redemption, Chummy and I's take on HOW WE WANT GORO TO BE SAVED DAMN IT, Eating Disorders, Third awakening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-09-01 04:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hator/pseuds/Hator
Summary: Red.Angry red rashes where just 30 minutes ago there had been straps of black leather digging into his skin.Though the personification of his rebellion had ended up being a mixture of many different things, one thing had always been abundantly clear to him.He had seen the numerous black belts wrapped around his body and somehow, even at the age of 13, he knew this rebellion would lead to his ruin.(A Goro Akechi Lives! AU)





	Pinpricked

_ Red. _

Angry _red_ rashes where just 30 minutes ago there had been straps of black leather digging into his skin. 

There was a time where his clothing in the metaverse had fit him like a second skin. He knew who he was and he’d accepted it a very long time ago. The black belts were ever present, but they were simply another piece of a complete outfit. Like Joker’s cloak or Fox’s tail, they were essential to expressing the larger idea behind his _ rebellion_. However, that idea had been muddled throughout the years of his childhood. As it turns out, moving around and lacking true stability did wonders to one's perception of the world. Some parts of his outfit were based on the sci-fi heroes he had seen in the few movies he’d watched growing up. Other parts of it were based on a sentai anime he’d loved watching with his mother before her death. There were even parts of the outfit he couldn't recognize. Truly his rebellion was an amalgamation of many different things but one thing had always been abundantly clear to him. 

He had seen the numerous black belts wrapped around his body and somehow, even at the age of 13, he knew this rebellion would lead to his ruin. 

Now, 4 years later, he stood in front of his bathroom mirror and gazed at the red bumps erupting across his chest and arms. Despite their chaotic nature, the rashes were in straight lines, wrapping around his forearms, stretching across his chest...

He knew what was causing them now. The belts which had never felt this tight before he'd defected. 

None of his previous injuries in the metaverse had been this prominent in the real world...

His skin seemed ready to burst, the burning sensation making him want to scratch until he couldn’t see his skin at all. 

Instead, he slipped on a long sleeved pajama shirt and went to bed. 

* * *

“Crow, if I could ask...Why exactly are you doing that?” 

The fact that he was being directly addressed by someone other than Akira still felt a little weird to him, so he jumped at Yusuke’s voice directly addressing him. He was quiet, the low timbre of his voice ensured the conversation was kept private while Ryuji and Akira yelled at each other from across the van.

To his knowledge, he hadn’t been doing anything at all, but Yusuke’s eyes were trained on something and…

Oh.

The straps. 

He’d been trying to adjust them. 

In the real world, the belts manifested as simple rashes. They were painful, but the pain was something he could deal with. Here in the metaverse, they were _suffocating_. They were far too tight, constricting his movements and making him feel like everything was _wrong_. 

And sometimes he couldn’t help but feel that it was. 

“No reason, I’m just a bit fidgety is all.” 

* * *

Futaba couldn’t look at him.

After being saved by the phantom thieves, one of the biggest surprises were the hands of friendship they’d extended to him. He knew they’d want him on their team to use his power but he never expected they’d want to spend time with him outside of the metaverse too. 

Still, as much as he craved friendship with others his age, he was hesitant to accept their offers, and each initial outing had been more than awkward. After a nearly silent walk through an Art Museum and a “crepe date” that ended with both Goro and Ann in tears, he had been very nervous when Futaba invited him to spend the day with her at Leblanc. 

Surprisingly, it had been his best outing by far. Akira had been there, and it was still Leblanc, the cafe he learned how to be comfortable in. The outing started with just Akira and Goro talking in a booth as Futaba sat on the barstool playing a game, but eventually, she joined in. She seemed nervous but once Akira asked about a game she had recently bought, Goro was surprised by how excited she was. 

They’d spent the rest of the day in Akira’s room, taking turns playing the game on her laptop. Goro wasn’t particularly good at it but between Futaba’s bright laughter and Akira’s patient hands guiding him towards the keys he needed to press, he found himself having fun. 

Since then whenever he swung by Leblanc, Futaba would walk in shortly after and ask to play something with him. Sometimes it was on her laptop, other times, Akira would join them and they’d play a game on his old TV. Sometimes, they wouldn’t play a game at all and she’d simply sit beside him and chatter on while he slowly drank his coffee. 

He would stare at the coffee grounds settle at the bottom of his cup and listen to her prattle on about some anime she was watching. ...And while he was grateful -more grateful than words could ever say- he couldn’t help but wonder as to why she was doing this. He thought Akira was forcing her to do this as some misguided attempt at pushing her towards getting some kind of closure, but when he confronted Akira and reminded him how cruel it was to force her to consort with the person who murdered her mother...The raven haired young man simply shrugged and assured him she was doing this of her own volition. 

In reality, she was more than willing to be his friend. She had referred to their relationship as such during a particularly tense round of Overcooked. He had been gripping the controller tightly, sitting in between her and Akira when suddenly.

_ “If either of you messes up, this friendship is _ ** _canceled_ ** _ .” _

And ever since then she had said it several times over, almost as if reassuring the both of them that yes, what they had was a very tentative friendship. It was strange, knowing he could provide happiness to this girl he had deeply wronged. Realistically, he knew he could never truly make it up to her, but seeing her smile at him made something he recognized as hope begin to bloom in his chest. 

Only for it to die as soon as they went into the metaverse. 

He had long forgotten his Princely Regalia. He opted to show his true self to them, no matter how ugly he found it to be. 

She didn’t speak to him unless she was giving advice or commands. She sat in the back of the van and typed away at her laptop. At first, he assumed she was just busy, Mementos was confusing and without their guide’s full focus they could easily get lost. But then in a safe room, she’d turned away from all of them and simply sat facing the subway cars. Her laptop was in her bag, her headphones were on her ears and her eyes were far, far away. When had traveled with them as a prince everything was fine. The only thing that had changed was...

Akira had noticed his distress and tried reassuring him. Akira tried telling him that everything was fine, except it _ wasn’t. _

People had always loved the sweet-voiced, soft-hearted detective prince. 

The monster underneath was destined to be alone and he was just going to have to remember that from now on. 

* * *

They’d been in Mementos, preparing for their battle against Shido when he first thought to say something about it. 

“Does your outfit ever feel like it doesn’t...fit?” 

He asked Akira rather nervously as they piled back into the van. It had been a rather intense battle in the ever waging war against Mementos.

The straps had been digging in, restricting his movement so he simply watched the other thieves during their baton passes. He observed how they jumped in and out of the battle with such a casual fluidity… 

Still, despite his lack of mobility, a particularly powerful blow from Loki had been enough to end the battle. 

He’d seen how Haru had flinched out of the corner of his eye and he tried to tell himself it was fine. 

Akira seemed to consider his question seriously for a second as he adjusted his seat and flipped up his coattails before sitting down in the driver's seat. Finally, he turned towards Goro with a lax smile on his face, retorting with “Goro, I’m in leather pants and elf shoes.” He then promptly turned back towards the windshield, stepping on the gas and thrusting everyone forward as the car began to move. Almost everyone in the van had laughed at Akira’s comment, and it spurred Ann's 15 minute rant about how uncomfortable her catsuit had been during Futaba's palace. 

Meanwhile, Goro simply leaned back and watched the pulsing veins of mementos blur behind him. 

He wondered if Mementos was truly as dark and red as he’d always believed it to be, or if it was just the visor of his helmet distorting the world zooming by. 

* * *

He was in Haru’s garden when she’d noticed. 

Haru wasn’t his biggest fan. Directly after they saved him she made it very clear to him that she could never forgive him for what he had done. He understood and didn’t press the issue. It was what he deserved after all. Already, getting to live, getting to fight alongside them…

It was more than he knew how to handle some days.

For a week or two, he hadn’t even seen Haru outside of the metaverse but then she came to Leblanc one Sunday morning with a business proposition and a gift. 

It was almost time to start planting her summer garden. She needed someone to help her and everyone else was busy, so if he didn’t mind…

She’d handed him her gift -a book about properly caring for plants that grew in warmer seasons- and promptly left. 

Later that night, he’d texted her telling her he would do it and that was the beginning of their tentative truce. 

He arrived at the Okumura mansion every Sunday to help Haru plant her bulbs. Usually, they worked on opposite sides of the house and met in the middle towards the end but on this particular day, they had been side by side, silently working on pulling out the incessant weeds that grew in her flowerbeds. 

“Akechi...What is that?” Haru had asked with a slight waver in her voice. Goro was confused for a second but then he remembered how he had taken off his jacket to keep it clean. He looked down at his arms and realized for the first time how ugly the rashes were that marred his otherwise flawless skin. 

He opened his mouth to make up some -any- excuse, but before he could even speak he felt a gentle hand on his wrist pulling him up and into the house. 

Now he was sitting on Haru’s countertop as she applied ointment to his wounds. She had no idea there were burning red rashes around his legs and his chest and he almost wanted to tell her about them, as the medicine was providing the relief he didn’t know he needed. Whether it was the medicine itself or the gentle hands applying it he wasn’t sure. They didn’t look at each other, almost as if making eye contact would break the peace around them.

“Is this helping Goro?” she asked him quietly and a part of him realized this was the first time she’d ever called him by his first name. He opened his mouth, tried to will himself to speak...He found he simply lacked the strength so he just nodded instead. He felt like a hopeless child, propped up on the countertop and being taken care of. 

She put down the ointment once she had finished applying it and then began to softly wrap the wounds in gauze. 

The bandages and their pressure felt familiar, _ too familiar _…

He flinched and her hands jolted away as if she had burned him. He looked up at her for the first time since she had dragged him in there and her expression was muddled, almost as if she was confused. Finally, words spilled out of his mouth and he blurted out a quick apology which only made her look even more confused. 

She sighed, put the bandages down, and sat down at the kitchen table, choosing to stare at a spot on the wall just behind him. 

“I never knew my father. I thought I did, but more and more information is coming to light and….It seems his corruption was worse than I could have ever imagined.” She spoke softly yet hesitantly as if this was the first time she had ever voiced any of these thoughts aloud, “A part of me is never going to be able to forget how wonderful he was to me during my childhood but...The rest of me wonders if I’ve just glorified those memories, or if I’ve been looking at them through rose-tinted glasses...Maybe he was corrupt even then and I just hadn’t realized it.” 

Her hand which had been treating his wounds so carefully just a minute ago was now clenched into a tight fist, but her expression was unchanging, she continued to stare at the wall behind him with a very guarded expression. 

“Still...I was willing to forgive him. I wanted to welcome him back into my life with open arms. I wanted him to have the chance to be my father. I wanted to have the chance to get to know the man he could be. But now I’m mourning his death and apologizing for the things he did in life.” Finally, a break in her expression. A twitch of her lips indicated a crack in a mask Goro found far too familiar for his liking. She looked down at her hands, resting in her lap. Her voice was tender, as this was a wound that still hadn’t healed. 

“He isn’t here anymore. And I know...I know I told you I didn’t think I could ever forgive you but. These feelings this…” Her expression darkened and then suddenly went back to neutral as the mask slipped back over her face almost as if it had never left in the first place “It doesn't matter. The point is... I would like to try... If you’ll accept it, that is…. I would like to offer you the forgiveness I was willing to offer him.”

Her eyes had finally met his and he didn’t even realize it because his mind felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton. His eyes stung with unshed tears as his grip on the counter tightened to that of a vice. He nodded before he could fully process what he was agreeing to. 

The smile he received was sweet and warm and seemingly genuine. 

The rashes around his body burned in response. 

* * *

He thought Shido’s palace would truly be a struggle for the Phantom Thieves. After all, he himself could barely manage battling the shadows present throughout the Palace, no matter how powerful Loki and Robin Hood had become over the years. 

But he’d watched them as they sliced through every one of Shido’s obstacles. They’d sliced through him too, and now the only one left was Shido himself. 

Preparing for the calling card had been a lot simpler than he thought it would be. He'd expected espionage or blackmail but instead, Futaba had told them to be in mementos on a certain date and she'd explain it there. When he arrived, she and Akira were already setting up a tripod. 

Apparently, their final calling card would be in video format. A live broadcast, for all of Japan to see. 

Akechi thought about the cognition he’d seen in Shido’s palace. The blank faced, familiar puppet who’d nearly shot him dead and he couldn’t help but relish in the fact that Shido would certainly recognize Goro standing amongst the rest of the Phantom Thieves. He would know exactly how Goro had betrayed him but it'd be too late for him to do anything about it. 

The other thieves trailed in after him, and after Futaba explained exactly how recording this footage was going to work, Yusuke stepped forward to help her set up the light behind them and Goro himself stepped to the side, away from the group. 

He hadn’t done this in a while...He hadn’t really needed it since their battle in the engine room but surely it was there, still in him somewhere…

His Princely disguise had never truly been his. He remembered seeing the Phantom Thieves' varied outfits and he instantly knew that if he was going to infiltrate their ranks, there was no way he could do it in his usual state of dress. He remembered standing in Mementos, willing himself into something different, something a persona like Robin Hood _ deserved _…

Then, Crow materialized and the rest was history.

However, despite the noble design, the costume had always felt like exactly that. A costume. It reminded him of the Halloween costumes he’d seen throughout his youth but never actually had the chance to wear. Cheap and fake, the material felt harsh and scratchy against his skin. It wasn’t necessarily painful, but looking at the intricate craftsmanship of the other Phantom Thieves’ outfits, he felt like they’d notice the polyester material of his clothing and call him out on it. The buttons on the jacket wobbled as they were held only by a single stitch. The cape was some shiny material he had never been able to identify and it somehow managed to get in the way of everything. As ugly as it was, his black mask was at least well made. Form-fitting, intricately designed…

And ugly. Black Mask was dark and ugly and it was definitely wasn’t something he could broadcast on TV screens across Japan. 

No matter how cheap Crow looked next to the Phantom Thieves, it was certainly a better fit than everything else he had to offer them. 

He reached in, felt the familiar lick of fire around his body and the darkness around him disappeared, replaced the familiar weight of a light paper mache mask leaning forward, the long nose making the entire mask a bit too unstable to stay on his face without his hand to support it….

He couldn’t stop the pleasant, neutral smile from spreading over his face. It was a force of habit. The peculiar thing he had discovered was that the tengu mask itself wasn't very important. His face was the mask essential to making this costume work. 

“Hey, Goro, we’re about to start,” Akira called for him. Suddenly, he got very nervous. What would they think of seeing him like this again? Could Futaba look him in the eyes once more? Maybe he should stay like this, would they prefer his Crow costume from now on? 

He stepped around the corner and he heard Haru gasp and he realized that no, they would not. 

He hadn’t even realized they were still there, their tight pain such a constant in his life that he couldn’t even remember what it was like anymore when they weren’t there. Black Mask had left that was true, but the belts remained, contrasting against the pure white fabric of Crow. He looked down at himself, the poor quality of the fabric crinkling against the black leather of Black Mask’s belts. Then he made the mistake of looking up at the thieves. 

One look at Haru confirmed his worst fears. She knew. She had seen his rashes the other day and he could see the dots connecting in her eyes. Ryuji looked confused while Futaba only looked away. Akira’s eyes of concern were boring into him and Ann was stepping forward and it was too much and he stepped back to go hide behind the corner again when a loud, almost comical sound of ripping fabric echoed throughout Mementos. 

His eyes squeezed shut at the sudden noise and he refused to open them. He couldn’t look. He refused to look. He knew what had happened. He could feel the cool mementos air against his arms and along his back and he knew. 

“Goro….Your jacket….” He could feel the pity dripping from every word that came out of Makoto’s mouth and he didn’t want it, he didn’t _ deserve _ it. 

Fire consumed him yet again and when he opened his eyes the world was tinted red once more. He felt like a wounded animal, backed into a corner as the Phantom Thieves approached him with their pitiful expressions. He tried his best to stutter out something, anything, to console them. 

“I-I’m sorry. Just ... Just film it without me. You can’t be seen...I-I won’t-”

Yet it seemed even his words would fail him today. He took out his phone and opened the metaverse app. Akira rushed forward, trying to stop him and Goro wished he could think of something better to say. 

“I’m sorry.” 

* * *

He’d been to this beef bowl shop once before. He’d been about ten and his caretakers had forgotten to feed him so he’d snuck out of the house in search of dinner. He walked in with barely enough money for one bowl, and the broth was so rich and he’d been so hungry...He’d eaten so quickly he’d ended up throwing it all back up by the end of the night. Experiences like that kept him away from large meals his entire adolescent life, but Ryuji had invited him out and he didn’t have anything better to do with his night besides sit around and feel guilty so here he was. He watched Ryuji pile more ingredients into his own ramen while Goro’s small bowl stayed untouched. 

The store was hot and humid, and he was wondering why exactly he’d accepted this invitation when Ryuji spoke. 

“Goro, you should eat while it’s still hot.”

Ryuji had turned towards him with a friendly smirk on his face. Goro found it in him to return the blonde’s amiability with a weak smile in return. He delicately picked up the spoon and swirled the contents of the bowl around. A boiled egg rose to the surface of the soup and he thought about how the surprise of an egg had been his favorite part of eating ramen when he was younger. 

He wasn’t hungry, he never was anymore. But Ryuji was staring at him, and it didn’t seem like he’d turn back around until Akechi did _ something _ about the meal in front of him. He picked up the spoon, dipped it into the broth and then slowly put it into his mouth. The ramen was just how he remembered it from his childhood. Rich and salty and filling. He dipped his spoon in for another mouthful and then Ryuji’s words filled the space around him instead. 

“We know you’re going through a lot...And we also know you don’t want to talk about it. But if you ever change your mind, just pull any one of us aside...I’m here for you...We all are.” 

Goro responded by slamming the spoon back down onto the table and walking out of the restaurant.

He tried to ignore the twist in his gut at Ryuji’s pained expression. 

It didn’t work.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> I've been working on building a strong backlog for the rest of my fics because HATOR IS GOING BACK TO COLLEGE SOON! YAY! (not rlly tho UGH)
> 
> Yeah, I'm going back to school tomorrow and that's why I haven't updated any of my other projects recently. I'm planning on releasing chapters slowly once I'm settled in so let's see how that goes! 
> 
> BUT I've been working on Pinpricked in my free time! Along with my best friend Chummy who originated the idea behind this fic and has been helping me develop it. IT'S IN HONOR OF NATIONAL GORO AKECHI DAY WHICH IS NOW AUGUST 2ND THANK U FOR THAT CHARACTER TRAILER MR ATLAS. 
> 
> Anyway, Pinpricked was originally conceived as a one-shot but I split it in half because it was getting too long for my usual one-shot length. Let me know if you guys like it/ want to see the rest of the fic! Thanks!


End file.
